Control
by macchiattogirl
Summary: Elliot snaps, and his loss of control finds him living with severe consequences... Input would be awesome as this is my first fic!


"**Control" (9/10/05)**

**By macchiattogirl**

**Rated T (for some language)**

**Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC; I merely play with them.**

"Munch and Fin you two go check out the crime scene; Benson, Stabler – go talk to Warner and get as much information as you can, there isn't much to go on right now."

The four detectives glanced at each other, and then headed out into a balmy New York City to fulfill their assignments. Once in the sedan, Olivia attempted to turn on the radio, only to be denied by the whining of her attractive partner.

"Not today Olivia, okay? I've got a headache."

"Right." Olivia looked out her window and silently sighed. She understood that his life had been difficult these past few months, but lately she didn't know what to do anymore. She missed the Elliot she could joke around with, the Elliot she could talk to, the Elliot she could complain to and know that he would make her feel better about anything and everything. It had come to a point where she felt she would be bothering him if she tried to bring up some personal issues, for fear of upsetting him. His anger had been relentless of late, and she didn't have the energy to deal with it.

She missed her partner. She missed having her best friend there for her; she wanted to support him, but she didn't know how much longer this could go on.

_Oh well…_ she thought to herself.

"Oh well what?" he asked. Apparently her comment was not as silent as she had intended.

"Nothing. Just thinking about the case."

"'Kay." His disinterested response was merely another example of how their partnership had began to deteriorate. His cell phone ring broke the silence.

"Stabler….I'm working right now Kathy," _Oh boy – this could be interesting_ thought Benson.

"What! Fine. That's just fine. I'll sign the papers in the morning. Yeah you too." And with that he slammed the phone shut and threw it across the dashboard.

"El…?" She inquired, delicately.

"Oh yeah. As of 8 o'clock tomorrow morning, I'll officially be divorced. Congratulations to me."

"I'm so sorry" She honestly was. She knew that this was inevitable, but the reality of the situation was a still a bit of a shock. He didn't even register her response. He just pulled the car into the parking lot of the ME's office and got out of the car without looking back.

Inside Warner informed them that the victim had been raped, stabbed, thrown down a flight of stairs, raped again, and then strangled. Only the latter of which killed her – she was six years old. The worse part was, the DNA left on the girl indicated that the perp was clearly a relative – most likely her father.

"Dear, God. What the hell was wrong with this guy?" Olivia commented as they walked briskly back to the car.

"It's simple. He's a son of a bitch who should be tormented and killed, just like he did to his daughter."

Olivia was used to Elliot talking like this, so she just nodded, knowing that what he meant was that this guy's trial would be fast and the penal system would take him on a ride unlike any other. Or so she thought.

The next morning, Elliot walked in around 9, and Munch, Fin and Benson exchanged glances. She poured him a cup of coffee, and brought it over to his desk.

"You okay?"

"Fine. It's all over, and it's for the better I suppose." His face was sullen, and his voice low. She knew he just needed space, so she returned to her desk.

Cragen came out of his office to give an update on the case.

"We just got a call from Forensics. DNA matched the perp to the victim's father. Benson, Stabler you two go pick…"

Elliot was already out the door before he finished his sentence. Olivia got up quickly and ran after him. No sooner had she sat down in the sedan then he slammed on the gas pedal and started speeding down 3rd avenue.

"Elliot, slow down!"

"I will not. The more seconds this waste of life has on the outside, the more injustice we are giving to our victim. She was six years old! No one deserves that – ever! And I will not let him enjoy another moment of his life while that little girl lies dead in the morgue!"

"Elliot, I completely agree, but slow down! You're going to hit something or someone! You're out of control!

"I am not, Kathy!"

"What?"

"Never mind! You've been nagging me so much, you sound like my wife! Sorry – ex-wife! I know how to do my job and you're not getting in the way!"

"Elliot would you listen to yourself? You're going crazy. Stop the car Stabler. STOP THIS CAR!"

And he did stop the car. He pulled into a spot right in front of the perp's house, and jumped out of the car. He kicked open the front door before Olivia even got out of the vehicle. _He's going to kill him._

She got inside just as Elliot had his gun drawn and pointed at the man who was eating his breakfast at his kitchen table. Stabler was screaming at him, almost incomprehensibly, and Benson knew he had gone over the edge. She yelled for him to step down, and then stood between Elliot and the perp. He went silent.

She didn't say a word. His piercing blue eyes stared over the barrel of his gun, which was now pointed directly at her for the longest minute she had ever known. Then he smiled.

"I lost it. You said I would, and I did. I'm sorry." He placed his gun in his holster and handed her the handcuffs. The perp was frozen out of fear. Olivia took the cuffs, and with tears burning behind her eyes, she turned and read the man his rights. As she was walking him out, the man made the mistake of glancing at Elliot. No sooner had he done so, Stabler lunged at him fists first. Olivia tried to move the perp away, and in so doing landed in the path of her partner's large fists. The punch spun her around and knocked her into the corner of a nearby glass hutch. The last thing she remembered before going unconscious was the look of total incomprehension in Elliot's eyes. Then everything went black.

Elliot Stabler sat alone in the interrogation room. The captain had gone over to the hospital to wait with Olivia; Munch and Fin had just informed him that she needed 16 stitches where the glass from the hutch had sliced her face, but otherwise she was going to be fine. They were going to keep her overnight for observation.

"It's a good thing you got the cuffs on that perp before he had a chance to do more damage, man. It's not like you didn't have her back."

That was it. That was the statement that sent Elliot into solitary confinement. She told Fin, and Munch, and everyone that the suspect had punched her. That it was the scum who was now on his way to Riker's who had brutally attacked her in an unpredicted loss of control. Olivia saved his ass – even though he could have killed her. And Elliot Stabler couldn't handle that kind of guilt.

"Detective, would you care to explain to me why you are sitting here wallowing in guilt instead of waiting outside of Mercy for your partner?"

"Captain, I...uhh… I just thought she would rather have some space."

"Like hell; she's not dead, he didn't shoot her. A perp put an officer in imminent danger – it happens. Olivia knows that you were right behind her, and that you would have taken that punch if you could. It comes with the job. Now get over there and be a man." With those last words, Cragen open the office door and stood there waiting for his subordinate and friend to get up and go see the woman he loved; and he knew that Elliot loved Olivia. The whole department knew that they had the equivalent of an emotional affair over the past few years – the only ones who didn't know it were the two partners. Nonetheless, it was still bothering the captain that Elliot wasn't pacing outside the hospital room door, but he attributed it to stress.

Dreading his destination, Elliot got up from his chair and left the squad-room for Mercy General. How could he face her? After he realized that he had made contact with Olivia and not the bastard he was aiming for, his body went stiff. He watched, almost in slow motion, as her doe-like form spun around and then began to fall…towards the hutch. Immediately he outstretched his arms to catch her but it was too late. Head first she smashed through the glass door of the hutch, and fell lifelessly to the ground. Both Elliot and the perp froze for an instant, and then he quickly grabbed the suspect's handcuffed wrists re-cuffing him to the leg of the table so that he could not run away. He radioed for a bus, the words _Officer down_ sounding as though they belonged to someone else. He took off his coat and placed it under her head as some sort of cushion. He tried to wipe some of the glass shards off of her face and only then did he realize how deep her wounds were. As the ambulance sirens suddenly became audible, Olivia opened her eyes slowly.

_"Liv! Liv hold on, you're okay… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I don't… I can't… I…," with tears lining his deep blue eyes, he stopped talking and continued to try to stop her face from bleeding._

_She wanted to be mad. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to understand. But looking into her partner's eyes, through her blood soaked hair, she knew that it would be impossible. Holding back tears of pain, she mustered a small cough and then said,_

_"Elliot, it's under control. Now go get the medics, they suck at direction."_

Walking into Mercy, he still didn't know how he could look at her. She forgave him, she made a joke, and she lied for him. He should be under IAB questioning right now, he should be under arrest, he should be begging for her to forgive him and yet he was walking towards the ER with some of the regular nurses sending him sympathetic glances. One nodded her head towards a room on the left. _Here goes…_

It took all he could not to audibly gasp when he walked in. Her once flawless face was now covered in bandages; yet as he got closer he realized she was still stunning. No matter how many bruises, scars or bandages there was no denying Olivia Benson was gorgeous. And currently, she was asleep.

He pulled a chair up next to her bed, and sat in silence staring at his partner. Being the proud man that he was he used all his strength to try to fight the burning sensation that was starting to grow behind his eyes. It was no use; in seconds, tears were pouring down his face, as though a dam had broken within him and there was no way he could contain the floods. In the midst of his breakdown he had not seen the patient's eyes open.

Olivia's heart went out to the man seated beside her bed. She loved him so much, more than even she was willing to admit, and the sight of him loosing total control was almost unbearable. He had been fighting so many personal battles and keeping them all inside that she knew that even a man of Elliot's caliber would loose it soon enough. She simply had not expected _this_ to be the last straw; but then again, she had not expected this at all.

"Elliot…" She started softly

"Olivia… I," he had not seen her awaken, and was embarrassed beyond words that she had seen him in this state. There were a thousand things he wanted to say to her, but he couldn't speak. So she did.

"Don't do this to yourself, Stabler. I am fine, the doctors said once the stitches come out I should only have one or two scars; it's okay. Everything will be fine."

"Liv, how can you say that? How can you look at me and expect me to say, oh you're right, this isn't a big deal at all? I put you in this hospital bed, I scarred your gorgeous face, I hit you Olivia, and that fall could have killed you. And now, you're even lying to the department to save my ass – how can you think that everything is fine?"

"Because I know that punch was not meant for me. I won't lie to you Elliot, I'm pissed. I'm pissed that you didn't know that you needed help before it was too late. I'm pissed that you didn't listen to me when I said slow down. But El, I know that you are going to punish yourself for this far longer than the department will, or I ever could. And I can't be mad at you forever. Besides, think of what a great guilt trip I would loose out on if I did."

Elliot managed a soft smile at this last comment, and at that Olivia grinned. She needed him to be happy again, she needed to see the life return to his eyes. She only hoped that this would be a turning point.

For his part, Elliot couldn't believe how she was handling it, but deep down he knew that this was simply the type of person she was. He got up off of his chair, walked over to her and gently placed a kiss on her forehead. It wasn't until his lips touched her skin that he realized he had never really kissed her before; hell, he only hugged her on Christmas and her birthday. Theirs had always been an emotional relationship, never physical, and he had never really thought about it. He stepped back and smiled at his partner.

Olivia looked at him with her great big brown eyes and hoped he could see how much she cared. She slid over to her left so that he could sit with her on the bed. They talked for a few hours before she fell back to sleep, this time in the arms of her best friend. Elliot was still talking before he realized she was asleep, and then he smiled to himself. He was still completely guilt ridden about what had happened, and he wasn't even sure the department would buy her story that the perp had struck her, once they talked to him. But for right now he put all those thoughts into the back of his mind, and just enjoyed the moment. He rested his head on hers and began to doze off, content for the first time in months.

Through the window, Kathy Stabler watched half-heartedly as her now ex-husband slept peacefully with his arms around his partner. She knew he had always been faithful to her, but she also knew that she couldn't fight fate. A sigh that was not her own broke Kathy's reflection.

"You know that he always has and always will love you Kathy."

"Yes, Don, I know that. But you and I both know that the love in that room is much stronger than you and I will ever experience. You can't manufacture that stuff."

Silently, Cragen and the former Mrs. Stabler watched and wondered how two people who were so perfect for one another, could be so blind.


End file.
